Wednesday, June 11, 2008
How All Violent Crimes Should Conclude
Jay Leno have claimed time after time that he loves stupid criminals. Well, I'm sure he'll chuckle about this, although probably not publicly.
There was a man who habitually enjoys robbing retail stores, by the name of Leonard Hudson. Unfortunately, his sweet life was snuffed out in an instant, cutting short his not-so-promising career in retail store heists.
Yesterday, Hudson robbed a fishing & bait store with a weapon (armed robbery) near 31st and Canal. As he was chased by employees, he ran down the street and jumped onto the huge expressway known as the Dan Ryan Expressway (the part of highway in Chicago where I-90 and I-94 temporarily converges). By some miracle, he was able to run across many lanes of this highway unscathed, to the median separating the south and north-bound sections.
At this particular section of the Dan Ryan Expressway, not only is the median just a concrete barrier, but it also opens up with two tracks for the CTA Red Line tracks. Well, Hudson scaled the concrete wall, and jumped onto the El tracks. Just like magic, or fate slowly catching up, the petty robber got hit and run over by a Red Line train.
Considering he was pronounced dead at the scene, it's pretty safe to assume that this repeat criminal won't be robbing stores and terrorizing business owners anymore. This happened so fast that even the police did not have a chance to respond to the call when the guy got killed! This is what I call karma at work.
This is how all violent crimes should end, with the perpetrator dead, without police involvement, without the victim involvement, and certainly without taxing our judicial system. Although it is still kind of sad that someone had to lose his life, but this is probably better for society at large. The only cost? A couple hours of inconvenience to the hundreds of law-abiding Chicago citizens stuck on the Red Line trains near the scene of the sweet justice.
If only all violent crimes conclude by solving itself out...
That's Thinking Forward
Planning. At the place where I work, planning occurs everyday. Planning is a good thing. But sometimes, those who do the planning (obviously not yours truly) are just plain stupid. They plan for the obvious, and leave craters of holes everywhere. But let's not talk about work. Let's talk about Arizona.
Back in 2004's general election, Proposition 200 was approved by a majority of voters. Proposition 200 basically is law that spells out that when someone is registering to vote for the first time or in a different county, or merely casting a vote (if registered), he or she is required to provide specific documents of identification along with proof of citizenship. Seems harmless, doesn't it? Sounds like a good law for the voting system, doesn't it?
But what the hell do you do for those people who were born before birth certificates were issued? And those people who never left the country in their lifetime, which meant not having a passport? Well, that's exactly what happened to Shirley Preiss, of Surprise, AZ.
Shirley Preiss had been voting in every presidential election since 1932, and has never missed a single election. But this time around, she was stripped of her right to vote!!! The reasons? She was born in 1910, before birth certificates were issued as standard document. She never had a passport because she never left the country in her life. She no longer have a driver's license because of her inability to drive due to age. And to make matters worse, the school she attended as a young child no longer exist, so she couldn't get any kind of academic records.
Shirley Preiss is screwed!!!
Now, although this is a pretty freaking sad thing, consider what State Representative Russell Pearce (Republican), who was responsible for Proposition 200, had to say: "To get a movie, you have to prove who you are. To go rent a car, you have to prove who you are. That's part of life."
What the... Sure, leave it to the f*cking Republicans who hate the very idea of minority rights to enact laws so stringent that it leaves certain legit people out in the cold. If the Arizona governor cannot intervene in this matter, I wonder what will US Senator John McCain (Republican) has to say about this, considering he is the presumptive Republican nominee for this year's presidential election, representing the very Arizona state.
Have I told you how much I hate stupid people for planning without forethought? Yeah, I hate that very, very much.
Labels: civic duty, politics, stupidity
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
A Legal Question
So... A friend forwarded me an email wanting to know if the following falls within a certain legal framework:
"Is this statutory rape???"
Labels: animals, funny, legality, life
Saturday, June 07, 2008
I Like Bobbies, But Not Today
Note: This blog was written on Sunday, June 1, 2008.
Sleep... It is one precious little thing that I can't seem to get enough of. Generally, it is the holy grail to which I seek on a daily basis. And when weekends come, I seek refuge from the tiredness of the workweek and steal some sought-after Z's by sleeping in. Like the shitty economy we're in, I try to gain ground on this whole sleep deficit on the weekends by sleeping in as much as possible.
But on this Sunday morning, I got woken up at freaking 0730 in the morning! No, it wasn't because I had forgotten to turn off the alarm clock. And no, it wasn't because I had a nightmare. And definitely no, I didn't have a hung over woman wake up next to me and hurriedly get dressed to bail out. What woke me up from my deep slumber were loud motorcycles revving up their engines. And cars honking. And lots of women cheering and hooting.
Repeatedly.
I looked out the window, and saw a bunch of women wearing pink walking by my building on the sidewalk. Thinking it would end soon, I tried to go back to sleep. But more motorcycles and more honking and more hollering continued. It was so loud that I simply couldn't go back to sleep.
I decided to get online, and guess what? Apparently the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer was happening. Great! I typically support events like this, especially when it is for a great cause, for because I love boobies too. I don't want anybody being forced into cutting such mammary wonders off to save their lives. So yeah, I support such causes.
But dammit! Not today! The damn booby walk woke me up. And it made me cranky. So for 2008, I'll claim to enjoy boobies for 364 days, with June 1st as the exception for the year...
Damn boobies...
Labels: biology, boobies, charity, health, sports
Thursday, June 05, 2008
A Letter to the High and Mighty
"Seriously?"
"Yes, Seriously!"
Let's take a moment and go further back in time. I woke up later than usual this morning, and I had to go to the gym before going to work. As usual for situations like this, I would browse through my BlackBerry on Nokia to see what's on the docket for the day, and ensure that I have the flexibility to work out and shower. If not, I'd just shower and go straight to work. But this morning, I was all clear.
Throughout my workout, I constantly kept an eye out at my BlackBerry on Nokia, checking it routinely to ensure no new meetings pop up for the day. Everything was fine, so I went to the locker room and showered. As soon as I got out of the shower, as luck would have it, my cell phone and pager rang off the hook! Apparently, the vendor had set up a conference call, and I was a critical person for the call, and the vendor forgot to add me into the invitee list. Great...
As I stood in front of my locker buck naked, another fellow gym user came in from his workout. His locker happened to be next to mine. I paid him little attention, other than to get out of his way so as to provide more room for him, and started dialing into the conference call on my cellular phone's speakerphone.
As the call progressed, I continued to dry myself and put my clothes on. And finally, when I was doing my hair, the last thing of my getting ready for work, the aforementioned guy (henceforth to be called The High and Mighty) returned from the shower and started getting dressed next to me. Throughout the entire time, The High and Mighty kept on giving me the eye, and like a spoiled rotten girl throwing a temper tantrum, did things loudly while using his locker.
When The High and Mighty got dressed and prepared to leave, he slammed his locker as hard as he could, then finally opened his lips to say condescendingly, "Seriously? Speakerphone in a locker room?"
I knew it wasn't the best etiquette I've displayed, but considering the situation, I had no choice. So I responded, "Seriously, yeah. When you get paged for an emergency, I'm sorry. What else should I do?"
The High and Mighty shot back, all the while walking away from me, "You could've gone downstairs."
Just then, I had to unmute the call and respond to some of the discussions, so The High and Mighty left the locker room. But I was nearly done with my routine, so I hurriedly responded to the discussion, muted the call, and then put on my coat jacket. I tried to catch up with The High and Mighty, who was about 15 yards ahead of me, but he had his iPod on. He would look back at me once in a while, but not want to continue the discussion. And judging from the way he was dressed and the heavy backpack filled with leather bound books that he carried, I assumed that he was probably a law student at Northwestern University.
When he stepped out of the gym, The High and Mighty turned east. Alas, my work is westward. So in the interest of getting to work in a timely manner, I gave up on him. Hence this letter to The High and Mighty now.
Dear High and Mighty,
My many apologies for my social faux pas at the locker room. I want you to understand that I normally and typically would frown on people who carry on a phone conversation (or conference call) in the middle of a locker room as well. I knew it wasn't right, and my sincerest apologies.
But mothereffer, what bothered me was the fact that you saw me buck naked, and you heard and saw my phone and pager going off, to which I was frantically trying to respond to. Please don't flatter yourself into thinking that I like to show off my personal package instead of prioritizing putting on my underwear first.
When you returned from your shower, you saw me half naked, but you also clearly saw my badge that clearly stated that I work for a hospital. You of all people know that a majority of the patrons at this gym are employees of this hospital: doctors, nurses and technical staff like myself. It is not like their badges (and pagers) are always hidden from view when entering or leaving the gym. Northwestern University law students come in at a distant second when it comes to patron demographics. You knew that. It was in your gym discount orientation package. In fact, the entire make up of the patrons at our gym are affiliated with either the hospital or your school!
Here's the thing. You have every right to feel offended that I was on a conference call on speakerphone, but seriously, do you have to behave like a little pussy ass girl with a temper tantrum? I gave an honest response, asking what I should've done if I got paged into an emergency. Your response was ill thought out, and without any forethought. How can you expect me to just "go downstairs" when you clearly saw me get paged while I was buck naked and all wet? Your response was so f*cking dumb that I wonder how much your precious daddy had to donate to the school for you to get in.
I know the odds of getting paged in an emergency just as I have stepped out of the shower are pretty slim in the future. But I do know that the odds of this happening to someone in a professional walk of life are higher. So I hope that you will write a project plan on how to deal with this situation when you, The High and Mighty, have become a professional yourself (assuming you graduate some day) and encounter the very same dilemma as I had today. If you can make a better decision and act better than I have given the situation, please do share this with the world. Obviously, just "going downstairs" buck naked cannot be considered a good action plan, because it would involve having the risk of getting arrested for indecent public exposure.
So seriously, I am very interested in how The High and Mighty can act better in this situation.
Sincerely,
John.
PS: I am also sorry that your penis is smaller than mine.
PPS: I hope that when you get old and fat (should you develop some kind of a health problem) that you'll suffer a massive coronary heart attack while your doctor (or the ER doctor) is buck naked in his gym shower, and that he will take his sweet ass time to get dressed and "go downstairs" to respond to his/her nurse's emergency page regarding your health because he/she believed that proper etiquette trumps emergencies.